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Casefile #2: JOIN THE AIR FARCE!

The datastore of The C.L.U.E. Foundation is a scary place. Within it lie all manner of tales which reveal a sad truth of the Shadows - that although the majority of Shadowrunners are a savvy and relatively intelligent group, even here tentacles of cluelessness ooze forth to grasp the unwary. Consider, if you will, the following Casefile.

At the beginning of the game session, the leader of the three tells the GM the route they plan on taking, and why it was chosen. However, the player neglected to note the GMs comments as follows

  1. Things are not always as written.
  2. That most of the information that was used as the decision basis would be unavailable to his character without serious legwork.
  3. The GM did not possess the Tir Tairngire sourcebook, so nothing in that book could be taken as gospel.

Unbeknowst to the PCs, in that particular region where several villages had been destroyed by border raiders (including the home village of the PhysAd), one of the Tir Lords was present in a much publicized visit to review the rebuilding efforts and head a Ceremony to honor the dead. The Rigger gasses up Sarah (the helicopter), and they headed across the border.

Of course, with one of the Lords in a volatile area, the military was present to heighten security. The PC's helicopter triggered off a border sensor. The Tir Military responded by sending a 'fact-finding committee'. Sensors on the Rigger's 'copter picked up the incoming aircraft, and revealed a large scale military helicopter. The GM made it quite clear to the Rigger that, from the rumor-mill, he recognized the aircraft as an experimental military prototype copter, and that if half the rumors were true the Rigger was seriously outclassed. The rigger decides to increase airspeed.

The following exchange between the Tir Tairngire Air Force and the Rigger occurred:

Tir: "This is TAFF 105 to unidentified aircraft. Please transmit your clearance authorization."
GM: "What do you do?"
Rigger: "I'll keep going"

Meanwhile, at a speed roughly twice the Rigger's, the TAFF copter slides in behind the Rigger.

Tir: "This is TAFF 105 to unidentified aircraft. We have not received your clearance authorization. Please transmit same immediately"
GM: "What do you do?"
Rigger: "Ummmm. I'll fly faster".

The Rigger continues to push the copter flat out, and 30 seconds later his instruments transmit the fact that the Tir have achieved a weapons lock.

Now my gentle readers. If you dare, you may take the following test, scientifically formulated by The C.L.U.E. Foundation to weed out the clueless among you.

Question: In the above situation, which of the following courses of action would you choose?

A. Turn around and get the Hell out of their ASAP, apologizing all the way for the lack of response in a garbled accent saying 'No Speeka da Eeenglish So Sorry". Try again later, using a different method.
B. Using lots of improvised static ask the TAFF chopper "*crrackle* Hello? We're having trouble hear *crackle* do have authori *crackle* transmitter failing *crackle* What?
C. Answer their transmission - "Hoi Hoi there Elvendudes. GhoulBreath over here, ummm..., spilled a pot of... soycaff... on the chipdrive and we can't load the fraggin' code, Chummers. Like, do we hafta gone now?
D. Continue with C, but add "There's a wizmungous farm field or something on sensors half a klick up front. If ya wanna land with us, we'll hand it to ya hardware." Use this opportunity to get the pilot face to face on the ground in order to use the three to one advantage to try to at least kick some Elven Ass, or at least avoid a crash-and-burn, and maybe if your lucky get a way cool experimental copter in the bargain.
E. Continue on course and try to evade a prototype, SOTA Military Chopper.
F. Any of the above.
G. Any of the above EXCEPT for E or F.

If you answered E or F, I want you to, Right Now, take out your Gun and shoot yourself. You are obviously clueless and those genes must be eradicated from the human gene pool to ensure continued survival of the race. If you chose A,B,C,D, or G; Congratulations. My operatives will not hunt you down to remove your genetic legacy.
So, in reality, what happened? Brace yourselves, here is the pathetic ending to this sordid tale.

GM: "Roll initiative please"
Rigger: "I have a 21"
GM: "You have initiative, what do you do"
Rigger: "I'm going to shoot the Tir Aircraft"
GM: "With what?"
Rigger: "My minigun" GM: "Can it fire backwards?"
Rigger: "uhhh...No"
GM: "Did you build anything in this chopper that can fire backwards?"
Rigger: "ummmm, well... no. Then I guess I'll dive to the treeline and...."

The remainder of this conversation was terminated due to Tir Chopper's delayed action. The PC's aircraft received a nice Air to Air missile up the butt. The resulting explosion cooked off the full gas tank, all weaponry, and all life on board the confetti formerly known as Sarah the Helicopter.

Remember Gentle Readers... without the constant vigilance necessary in a Clueless world, something similar COULD happen to you.

Karen - karenmr@shadowrun.html.com

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