Much Ado About Nothing
Hello yet again, my gentle readers. Say, have any of you considered seeing a psychologist for the streak of masochism you obviously suffer from, since you're here yet again to read another pathetic tale of the inept?
Regardless of your state of mental health, one must understand the state of Cluelessness manifests in many forms. Mostly, it shows itself with occasions of appalling bad judgment or thoughtlessness. Occasionally, however, the more dangerous form surfaces and infects our race, creating those who commit acts of gross cluelessness DELIBERATELY.
These cancers must be sought out, and 'treated.'
Barf bags are not provided. And, to the GM who submitted this tale, you're a brave individual…
Xilla: Hermetic mage
Cur: NPC Dog shaman
The team had just finished a data-steal run on a UCAS research facility off the west Canadian coast just a hundred kilometers north of Seattle and were heading home with the package to collect their hard-earned nuyen. The van needed gas, so the team pulled off into a small gas station to fill up and get some munchies.
Grunge had been complaining for the last hour of boredom, and the team wanted a rest from his mouth. He is sent in to pay for the fuel and get the snacks. Bad mistake.
Grunge: "I go inside and grab up a lot of chips and two or three drinks, and head for the counter."
GM: The clerk is a middle-aged man who looks boredly at you and rings up your sale. He then looks out the window. "Is that your van?"
Grunge: "Why the FRAG do you want to know?!"
Clerk: (warily) "Because… I need to add the fuel to your…" Clerk stops talking because…
Grunge: While he's talking, I pull out my Savallette Guardian and point it at his face. "You NEED to shut up and give me all the cash in the Fraggin register for being such a nosy Fragger, and give me all YOUR money too, or I'll blow your Fraggin head off!!!"
GM and all other players at once: "WHAT???"
GM: Tell me you aren't serious.
Grunge: Yer darn tootin I am! What does the clerk do? Remember, I got my gun on him, safety's off, set for burst fire!
GM: He is terrified, but he is quickly pulling out all the N.A.N. cash out of the drawer.
Clerk: "WWWould you like this in a bag?"
Grunge: "Nawwww! I'll just carry it out in my hands for all the Fraggin world to see! Of COURSE in a bag, ya Fraggin MORON!"
Hourglass: I'm looking towards the store to see what's taking Grunge so long. Do I see him robbing the guy?
GM (rolls perception for Hourglass) You just see him talking to the clerk.
Xilla: Noooo! (bangs head on table)
Grunge: Is the clerk bagging up the money?
GM: Yes, and when he finishes, he reaches in his back pocket and -
Grunge: I blast the Fragger!
GM: You… what?
Grunge: He's reaching for a gun, so I burst fire his face off! (rolls dice)
GM: You blow his head all over the back wall, and his body falls to the floor twitching.
Grunge: Awesome! I go behind the counter to see what type of gun he was trying to pull on me.
Hourglass: Tell me I saw and heard that!!!
GM: Yes, no roll required as you said you were looking over there anyway. You hear a burst of gunfire and see the clerk go down in a spray of blood. Grunge has his gun out and pointed where the clerk was standing just seconds ago.
Hourglass: I yell "Holy Drek!! Grunge just killed the store clerk!"
Xilla: I'm still in the driver's seat, is Cur finished filling up the tank and back in the van?
GM: Yes, he'd just got back into the van when all of you heard the gunfire and Hourglass yell. Hourglass, you see Grunge go around behind the counter and bend over, presumably, the clerk's body. He is now out of your sight.
Xilla: I start up the engine, slam it into drive and peel outta the station like a bat outta Hell!!
Grunge: You WHAT?!
GM: Grunge, you don't see anything but the wallet that the clerk had been trying to get out of his back pocket. Don't you remember telling him to fork over his cash, too?
Grunge: Oh yeah… I take the wallet. Do I see them taking off without me?
GM: No, you are down behind the counter, but you do hear a vehicle engine roar and the squeal of tires.
Grunge: I raise my head over the counter and have a look/see.
GM: You see what could be your van racing off down the street and quickly go out of sight due to darkness and the trees that surround the station.
Grunge: I go outside to the pay phone and call the cops, after I grab up the moneybag and stuff it into my long-coat inner pocket.
GM: uh… I don't suppose you take the munchies too?
Grunge: Oh yeah, I take those too. I get a bag and dump em in it, I may need em if I can't steal a car. Long walk to Seattle!!
GM: OK, ya got the bag-o-munchies, ya got the bag-o-money, so you go outside to call the cops. I can't WAIT to hear why.
Grunge: I dial the emergency number and ask for the nearest police station.
GM: The operator connects you to the local constabulary "Police station, can I help you" says a polite but bored male voice.
Grunge (in a frightened and whiney voice) "TTTThey robed the store!! They killed the clerk!"
GM/Cop: "Who robbed what store? Sir, I'm pulling up your location now on the computer, stay where you are. Can you give me a description?"
Grunge: (same voice) "YYYess," and proceeds to describe the rest of the team, excluding himself, and the make and model of the van (succeeded in an Int. roll and remembered the license plate, too) to the officer. Forgetting completely to check and see if maybe there was a video monitor in the store (there was, of course) Grunge then leaves the station, with all his bags, and janders on down the road to the sound of sirens in the distance. He finds a car in a driveway two miles down the road, and proceeds to hotwire it. (He does have an electronics still, but only makes one success so it's taking a while) The owner of the car steps out of the door to see someone breaking into his car (Grunge fails perception roll) so he quietly steps back inside to get his shotgun.
Meanwhile, the team is hearing over their police-band radio a description of their van and a general description of themselves. They prudently decide to start looking for another vehicle. But, before they find one, they have a brief but not too violent encounter with some of the local constabulary. The team finds another vehicle and make it back to Seattle with no further trouble, They inform the fixer of the problem with Grunge, the fixer decides Grunge forfeited his final payment when he put the mission in danger, pays the rest of the team, and leaves.
Back in the NAN territories, a seriously wounded Grunge is driving back to Seattle after having to gun down an entire family because the father had the gall to shoot him while he was stealing the man's car!! (However, a wounded but very much alive twelve-year-old girl gave a description to the cops that matched the ID of the Perp in the convenience store's video monitor to a 'T'.
The softhearted, and softheaded (the submitter's description, not mine - Karen), GM allowed him to get back to Seattle after a rather bloody encounter with three suspicious cops that he, amazingly, defeated. Not surprisingly, Grunge was pissed at the fixer for refusing to pay him, and is currently hunting him down. The N.A.N. has a 500,000-nuyen bounty on Grunge's head, which grows daily.
The team no longer had anything to do with that character (Grunge's player was forced to make another character), and plans on collecting on the bounty when it reaches 600,000 (easier to split three ways).
Well, there you have it.
So, on a personal note, are any of my readers out there headed for Gencon in August? At present, there is a good 75% chance that I'm actually going to make it this year! (yippee!)
Karen - email@example.com