Quentin Mallory was a young, undeniably brilliant theoretical thaumaturgist of the Pythagorean school, who effortlessly mastered the intricacies of magical mathematics and post-quantum physics. Mallory's doctoral theses for MIT&T set a record as the move thought-provoking, ground breaking, and utterly useless thaumaturgical text to ever be written. In exceedingly bad taste, Mallory went on to have the text mass-produced and sold as an advanced textbook on chronothaumaturgical mathematics and physics.

Mallory spends an incredible 1,917 pages proving, through precise and mind-bending multi-dimensional mystical mathematical formulae that sorcery as we know it cannot warp time or space. To compound the utter uslessness of this gargantuan paperweight, described by many students as "Spinecrusher, Breaker of Souls," it concludes with a motley of the most inane and ill-conceived magics ever invented. Most infuriatingly, according to Mallory's arcane computations, each of them should work perfectly.

These spells (all at Force 2) include:

analyze black hole

analyze chronothaumturgy

analyze wormhole

detect alternate timeline

detect space/time fold

detect teleportation

detect time travel

detect wormhole

measure speed of light

Many students suspect professors assign this book to encourage them to develop and utilize levitate spells, or for basic exercise.

Publisher: MIT&T Press

Price: 300

Availability: 4/24 hours